


Everyone Knows Gwaine

by SkyFireForever



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sexual Trauma, no actual rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:01:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26116114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyFireForever/pseuds/SkyFireForever
Summary: Everyone thinks they know Gwaine. But do they really?
Relationships: Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 86





	Everyone Knows Gwaine

Everyone knew Gwaine. Gwaine was roguish and handsome. He drank too much and laughed too loud. He slept around proudly and without shame. Everyone knew Gwaine. 

Everyone knew Gwaine. He was confident, overly so, he made jokes at others’ expense and he played pranks for the fun of it. Everyone knew Gwaine. 

Everyone knew how proud and charismatic he was. Everyone knew how brave and how loyal, how annoying and how flirtatious. Everyone knew Gwaine.

Or thought that they knew him. 

Gwaine was a slut. Gwaine was an idiot. Gwaine was a clown. 

It was just that simple, wasn’t it? Gwaine was someone with a reputation, so everyone knew exactly who he was. 

But they didn’t know him at all.

Gwaine was laying in bed, tossing and turning, unable to get the thoughts out of his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would make them disappear, but it only made the memories more vivid, more clear. 

The feeling of someone rutting against him. The taste of a cock in his mouth. The sound of breathy little moans. 

His eyes snapped open and he sat up in bed, tugging at his hair in attempt to force himself to focus on something,  _ anything _ but this. He was shaking. Why was he shaking, damn it? He took in gulps of air and tried to steel himself. 

It didn’t work and he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep. The thoughts and memories were too powerful. So he got out of bed, dressed only in a pair of loose-fitting trousers, and he walked. He walked around the castle, walked outside and under the stars. He walked, trying desperately to clear his head.

He found himself at the tavern, as he so often did, but he didn’t step inside. No, the people laughing and having fun within weren’t for him. He didn’t belong there. He continued walking. 

The night was cold, a chill in the air. He suddenly wished that he’d thought to grab a coat before abandoning his chambers. 

He walked until the light of a torch approached. He turned to see Leon approaching him. 

“Gwaine?” He looked concerned. “What are you doing out here?” 

“Couldn’t sleep.” Gwaine wrapped his arms around himself to keep from shivering. “Nothing to worry about.” 

“Off dallying with someone, eh?” Leon guessed with a short laugh. “Don’t worry, you’ll get no judgement from me.” 

“Right.” Gwaine forced a smile, showing no hurt at the fact that his honest answer hadn’t been believed. “You caught me. You know me so well.” 

“Hey, friends know each other best, right?” Leon punched him on the shoulder. “Don’t stay out too late.” 

Gwaine wanted to scream that Leon didn’t know anything at all, but instead he laughed. 

The next day during training, Gwaine was slightly off. His head wasn’t in it, he couldn’t focus. His mind kept drifting. It wasn’t until Elyan beat him for the third time that anyone noticed something was amiss. 

“Oi, Gwaine. What’s the matter with you?” Percival asked. “You’re barely awake.” 

“Sorry.” Gwaine murmured apologetically. “Just didn’t sleep well last night.” 

“Probably because you were too busy doing something else, huh?” Elyan wiggled his eyebrows and the rest of the knights laughed. 

Gwaine laughed with them, ignoring the ache in his chest. 

That night, he and the knights were at the tavern. They were laughing, teasing, having fun. Gwaine was feeling relaxed for the first time all day. He smiled, but refrained from joining in on all the fun. He was content to just sit and watch. 

The barmaid served them, paying special attention to Gwaine as she set down his tankard of mead. “You’re Sir Gwaine, aren’t you?” She smiled, leaning in real close to him. “I’ve heard all about you.” She smirked. “If you’re interested, and I know you are, I’ll be out back in an hour. I’ll meet you there.” 

Gwaine didn’t meet the barmaid out back that night or any night after. 

A week later, Gwaine heard laughing within a circle of the knights. He approached them. “What are you all having fun without me for?” He asked with a confident, casual air. 

“Gwaine, you never told us about your friend.” Lancelot said. 

“What friend?” Gwaine cocked his head to the side before the knights parted to reveal a face that Gwaine thought he’d never see again. His blood ran cold, his breathing picked up, and his heart hammered inside of his chest. 

The man smiled casually, as if nothing was amiss. “Gwaine, old friend!” He approached the knight and clapped him on the shoulder. “It’s good to see you. You’ve done well for yourself.” 

“Bertilak.” Gwaine smiled a wide smile and returned the greeting. “It’s been too long.” He ignored the sickening feeling in his stomach. 

“It has been.” Bertilak agreed with a laugh. “I’ve been introducing myself to all your new friends. They’re a good bunch.” 

“The best.” Gwaine said. _ Please stay away from them. Please don’t ruin this for me _ . 

That night, the knights, Merlin, and Bertilak gathered in the tavern. They laughed and joked and told stories about their pasts. Gwaine smiled, but didn’t say a word. No one noticed how he was squirming underneath his skin. No one noticed how nauseous he felt. 

“And I’ve heard the stories about Gwaine.” Bertilak was saying. “And let me tell you, he hasn’t changed a bit.” He laughed. “He was as much of a slut then as he is now.”

The knights all laughed. Gwaine wanted to puke. 

Bertilak stayed in Camelot for two weeks. Two weeks of befriending Gwaine’s friends, of spending time at Gwaine’s favorite places. Two weeks of polluting every inch of Camelot with the image of him. Gwaine couldn’t go anywhere without being reminded of him, even long after he left.

Of course, no one noticed. 

Bertilak was Gwaine’s friend. He had confirmed everything everyone already knew about Gwaine. 

Idiot Gwaine. Whore Gwaine. 

Everyone knew what Gwaine was. 

Months after Bertilak had left, Gwaine was with Merlin. Sweet, brave, loyal Merlin. Merlin who was everything Gwaine couldn’t be. The two of them were in Gwaine’s chambers, Merlin in Gwaine’s lap, their tongues moving together. 

Merlin tugged at Gwaine’s shirt, pulling it up and over his head and tossing it into a corner of the room. He kissed down Gwaine’s neck, earning soft noises from the knight. 

Merlin pushed him back and started kissing down his chest. Gwaine closed his eyes and got lost in the sensation of it. He focused on his building arousal, on the feeling of Merlin’s lips against his skin. He lost himself in the feeling of it all, but then. 

Hands wrapping around his cock, stroking him. A mouth around him. Heat and heavy panting. 

Gwaine jerked up, nearly sending Merlin tumbling off of the bed. He was breathing heavily. 

“Gwaine?” Merlin’s voice was laced with concern. “Gwaine, what’s wrong?” 

“I can’t do this.” Gwaine breathed out. “Merlin, I’m sorry. It’s not you. You’re perfect, I promise. I just can’t-” He couldn’t even finish his sentence. 

“Gwaine. Gwaine, hey. Breathe.” Merlin took hold of Gwaine’s face, cupping his cheeks and looking into his eyes. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.” 

Gwaine hadn’t even realized that there were tears in his eyes. “I- I can’t.” He whispered. 

“Why not?” 

“Because then you’ll know that I’m exactly what they say I am!” He snapped, burying his face in his hands. “You’re the only one who doesn’t treat me like that. I don’t want you to start.” 

Merlin took hold of Gwaine’s arms and pulled them away from his face. “Just tell me. I won’t treat you any differently. I promise.” 

Gwaine swallowed, looking at Merlin and searching his face. “You remember Bertilak?” He asked quietly. 

Merlin nodded. 

“Well, he and I were friends when we were children. We were really young. And when we were that age, we would…” He trailed off, closing his eyes. “We would touch each other. Suck each other’s cocks. Kiss. All sorts of things. But we were young and I mean  _ really  _ young. Too young.” 

Merlin wiped away Gwaine’s tears. “Hey. It’s okay. I’m not going to judge you for that.” He assured him. “Why would I? You were just a kid. You didn’t know any better.” He kissed his brow. “What made you think of it now?” 

“We were- You were-”

Merlin understood. “Do you always feel like this when you’re having sex?” 

Gwaine was silent for a long time. “Merlin, I’ve never had real sex. I’ve never had any real sexual encounters outside of Bertilak.” 

Merlin looked surprised. “You haven’t?”

He shook his head. “No.” He exhaled. “I like the idea of sex. I like the idea of it a lot, but whenever I get too close to practicing it, I panic.” 

“I understand.” Merlin stroked his hair. “There’s no pressure to do anything.” He promised. “Do you wanna just lay here and cuddle for a while?” 

“I’d like that.”

And so that’s what they did. 


End file.
